Writing

I write quite a bit. Right now I'm in a fallow period though. I'm discouraging myself.

I read quite a bit. Right now I'm re-reading some of my favorite books. That is what is discouraging. I'm feeling a shallowness, a lack of depth, to my own writing in comparison. Granted, they are published and I am not, and that must account for some of it. But I know how these people say writing works for them. Very few of them claim to plot beyond the occasional note to make sure they don't forget important details.

But the depth and complexity. I despair. Here in book one is a summary of how things seem. Here in book two are these undertones that things weren't that way at all, but subtle, oh subtle. It's slight enough that you miss it unless you're re-reading and have the whole story already. Then in book three, here is the real story, and in light of that, it makes perfect sense that there should be a story for how things seem and the undertones all come rushing to the forefront and it's so obvious why didn't you see what they meant before? How do you do that without knowing that's what you're doing in advance?

In comparison, I find myself at a loss. I find myself at the sort of loss that says "Why do I bother?"

I am fallow, but I despair.

- Exherado